Love Or Obsession?
by LoverOfTheDarkness
Summary: Ryan O’Reily wasn’t one to admit that he cared for someone, especially a man. He wasn’t a fag! Yet how come the only person that was able to get inside his heart and stay there was one. The only person other then his brother Cyril that he could honestly s


Summary: Ryan O'Reily wasn't one to admit that he cared for someone, especially a man. He wasn't a fag! Yet how come the only person that was able to get inside his heart and stay there was one. The only person other then his brother Cyril that he could honestly say he loved. And who was this man? The man to be able to get so close to him without a good punch in the face or verbal comment? Miguel Alvarez. Yet would the time apart from each other be too much? One in solitary and the other being hit on and grabbed time and time again by Adebisi change all this? Only time could really tell.

Pairings: Miguel Alvarez/Ryan O'Reily, Tim McManus/Ooc(Jessica Donohue). One sided Ryan O'Reily/Gloria Nathan.

Side Pairings: Beecher/Keller, Siad/Haven't decided yet but suggestions would be great.

Reviews would be excellent. Tell me what you think about my first chapter. I worked hard on this. And no, this isn't just a Ryan/Miguel story either. Look above people! Lol. This chapter was all done by me but whoever helps me out and gives me advice/a good review they will be thanked! There will be some bashing to the Gloria cause…well she's a twit in my eyes so yeah. Spelling might not be the best either. Thanks!

Warnings:

SPOILERS ALERT! SPOILERS ALERT! There will also be male/male action, yaoi, and gay pairings. Whatever you want to call it. This is starting at the end of the Second Season.

Fighting Emotions

Oswald state security penitentiary a.k.a. OZ. A place were the criminals and innocent come in and go back into society just like the way the were when they became guilty. Many true to the crime they have committed yet some were just in the wrong place, at the wrong time at least they say so. CO's that choose to stay in OZ are either insane, or just don't have anywhere else to go in life, the only place they have to call home. Yet what of the workers that could do something better with their lives? Like Sister Peter Maria? She could be anywhere, helping children or working in a college yet she works for the criminals. Murderers, rapists, robbers and the innocent. And what of Tim McManus, the warden of the small section of OZ? He built Emerald City, the place where he feels some prisoners are able to finally go down the right path. So he may help them in the way of change. He could do so much more with his life then be in a place like that. Yet what if some of the prisoners didn't want to be changed? What if they are content with the life they have led until they came to OZ? They probably think the place is a joke anyway. Why would other's want to help them? None are really sure what goes through the minds of the workers in OZ. But maybe…they should be the ones in the prison as well, working along side the ones that were find guilty. Maybe they are just as insane as them.

"Shut your fucking face Niger!" Schillinger said, shoving past one of the newer members in Emerald City against the wall as the finger was flipped at him, curses and the like heard as well. Rubbing his eyes the white man wondered how the hell everyone learned of his sons. He needed to get out of here! Help them go back on the right path in life yet he couldn't. No, he had gained another 10 years to his sentence in OZ for trying to kill his ex-bitch by hiring someone to kill him. Light blue eyes turned to the man that ruined his life further as a small growl passed through his lips. Tobias Beecher. The ex-lawyer that ran over a small girl under the influence of alcohol, earning him the right of 15 years. A smirk was cast down at him from the man, one that was crazy more then anything else with a small wave attached to it. Of course, maybe the notzi made him that way. Putting his signal in the other's ass then fucking him up it. Maybe it was his own fault that the other man was against him, wanting him dead more then anything else in his life right now. He had nothing left after all. His wife killing herself after writing in a note that it was his entire fault he was in this place and she killed herself, ruining everything she had built for them. His children were no longer his to call son and daughter and he would never get to see their smiling faces. And the man he had loved said he never loved him but was really trying to get him killed, working with his worst enemy. Maybe Shillengar brought it upon himself like everything else that Beecher had done to him. Yeah right, like he would really admit to that bullshit. Heading for the mailroom to do his everyday job he just blew a kiss at the man before walking out.

Across the room more danger was noticed, not by guards or any other inmates but that of Ryan O'Reily. His brother was having another nightmare of what had happened before he had gotten to Emerald City. That man was going to pay, he had promised himself and even Donohue said she would help him out with killing the natzi. Before he could think further of the crime that had been committed against his brother he took a deep breath. He tried calming him down, holding the younger O'Riley in his arms to help him do so. "Cyril, its ok bro. I'm here. It's going to be ok." He kept telling him, soothing the younger man as best he could. God he needed Jessica right now, the only other one that Cyril would even call family in this hellhole. The woman was a miracle to both of them, helping Ryan get Cyril into Emerald City so he could protect him. Also watching after him most of the day when Ryan had business to attend to. She had lackeys to work for her, she didn't need to do peasant jobs. Of course, she had a certain relation with McManus that helped them both out. How a woman like that got into a place like this was beyond him but she never once spoke of it. Just as he was about to get up and go look for her the young woman opened the door with wide eyed. "Another one?" She asked, her voice kind as she quickly took the younger O'Riley in her arms and started singing to him softly in his ear, running her hand through his long blonde hair. It started soothing him, his constant crying and fidgeting easing away as he went back to sleep slowly. The song still hanging in the air. It was one her mother had told her when she was just a young child before she died and it had stayed with her all her life. She didn't know what the words meant for they were in a tongue she did not know but none the less it was a beautiful song.

Prisoner 45LS71. Charged with three murders in the first degree, aggravated assault and ownership of an illegal animal. The first woman in Emerald City, OZ. Never had been raped, never attacked. She had connections and on the first day she came into this place she beat up a man so hard that she had broken his dick and leg. No one…messed with her after that. Donohue wasn't one to just punch whatever came close to her, no. She was skilled in many arts that her stepfather taught her, her sensei. She had gotten respect from the Italians, Gangsters, Irish, and the Whites after that as well. Even the Natzi bastards gave her some respect after that little stunt that earned her two-month in the hole.

"Thank god you calmed him down Jess, I was about to yell for you." Ryan told her, patting his brother on the arm as he got up and went to the sink to get water splashed in his face. A small nod came from the woman as she continued humming the soft lullaby. "I told you I would always be there for Cyril, Ryan. I don't break my promises." She spoke to him, smiling up at him as she laid the male on the bed, tucking him back in. "It's almost five, I should get back to my cell." She told him, giving him a brief hug before starting to exit the room. "Wait!" He said, grabbing her arm, harsher then he meant to as he quickly uttered an apology, letting go. She knew it was serious for he never laid a hand on her like that. Turning around to look at him, worry clear in her hazel eyes. "What's wrong O'Reily?" Donohue asked him. He fidgeted on his feet, wondering if he should confess this sort of thing to the woman. She was his only true friend in this place after all. The only one in Emerald City at the moment, except his brother that he wouldn't rat on. She knew him outside the walls before this happened WITHOUT fucking her. Strange for the Irish man indeed since he would literally fuck any woman that moved. "What if I made a mistake…" He said in a soft voice, making a confused look come in the woman's eyes. "Mistake about what?" She asked him. A sigh came from his lips before he answered. "A mistake about the feelings I thought I had for Gloria." A face flashed through his mind but it was not one of the woman he had been speaking about, no. But that of a man, one that was a prisoner in these walls just like him. Eyes went slightly wide as he said this to her, wondering what was going through her friends mind as she was about to open her mouth to say something but was quickly cut off by a voice.

"Lights out people! Get in your pods!"

Jessica made a small huff at him before turning her head back to Ryan as she started walking out. "We have to talk about this tomorrow. I'm sorry but unlike you, it's harder for me to be in the hole. But take my advice O'Reily. Think long and hard of whom you really love. And maybe listen to your heart for once yeah?" She told him, a small smile on her face before the door closed behind her and she jogged to her cell. Shaking his head lightly he accepted that answer for now, jumping onto his bunk as he lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling as he sighed heavily. Sometimes he just thought to much though. He wasn't a fag either. Yet here he was, thinking of another man instead of Gloria, the woman he had thought he had feelings about. But no, this man he could never see again in his life yet he still felt his heart beating for him. Solitary was a cruel thing for anyone. Once a week Donohue was allowed to go see the man he ached for. McManus and Warden Leo Glynn were being kind enough for to let her do so. Alvarez had a thing for tight, small spaces and no contact with other humans. It was sure to drive him truly insane within a week's time without someone. And they had been friends outside these walls as well, middle school friends and then some. To stay friends that long without falling apart was a miracle yet maybe that's what made their friendship that much stronger. He had been nice to his brother as well, making him strange paper animals while no one was there. Using paper in different colors. Ones that were able to move slightly like in real life if you moved a certain part. Cyril really enjoyed them too, once even trying to make the Latino one back though failed at it but none the less, Miguel had told Jessica to give him a thank you anyway. Another small member to the mentally challenged man.

The man his heart had been set on for who knows how long had not given him a thing. It made him jealous yes but it's not as if the other criminal knew of his feelings. He wasn't a fag remember? Of course he had accused the other of being one and maybe that's were things at first had gone bad for them. But they had calmed down, became partners on a few things. But he still wasn't a fag. Didn't like the cock yet here he was, thinking of a man that held his heart. Miguel was the first one to open it after all, even if neither of them really knew it. Shannon had never even done this to him, never made him feel so alive. She was a whore after all and knew it but so was he. Maybe that's how their marriage ended so fast or the fact Ryan no longer held feelings for her like that. But Miguel…was so different. He had helped a lot with his injuries in the emergency room. Sometimes it seemed he treated Ryan with more care then his other patients, using gentler touches with him. Even giving him the rare, small smile of kindness if it was allowed to be called that. But of course the Irish man wasn't one to be reckoned with either. He had contacts, big ones. The Italians were on his side again. The gangsters would really be under his control. The Other's too though the only one that was even help to him was Beecher. The other Latino's however were his enemies, El Cid the leader of them all, the one he wished to kill the most. For HE had taken Miguel Alvarez away from him. The alliance that had been with the Latino's and Donohue had been cut after that and she no longer worked out their problems with the other members. They were left out there for the dogs to eat, play with and roll over on again and again. They hadn't liked that part one bit. Two of their men had already been _dealt_ with. And before he could find the courage to tell Alveraz his true feelings. However long that may have taken of course. Ryan O'Reily wasn't the one to admit feelings for other's easily and especially to a man? It had taken him a year and a half to talk himself into agreeing that he was at least BI. How long would it take for him to realize or at least have the chance of telling the Latino that he had a strange feeling for him, one that was easily known as love? It would be hard, and he would have to do things he wouldn't be all proud of afterwards but if he got to at least see that face again, just once it would be all worth it. For Miguel Alvarez anything was worth it.

Of course love was easily referred to as obsession as well. What was it in this case here? Love. Perhaps for it was his heart that ached for him, his skin wanting to feel the other mans touch. Obsession. That of wanting to own him, to only have Miguel as his. Close call for both parts it would seem and only time would tell. Or maybe he didn't love the Latino at all. Could it just be a way to switch his love for Gloria to someone else and the only one he could think of was Miguel? Possible and probably a 50 chance of it being true. Of course Jessica might have been a better choice then Alvarez, wouldn't make him doubt his sexuality as much and she would be more understanding of the situation. But he was fooling himself with that. For the only one, only one that truly could have him fully was Miguel. Exactly…how much time did they have though? Would the tables turn on them to the good or the bad? Ruining them all together for whatever may come? What if their chance for love never truly comes? Who knows really? Except waiting and watching…waiting…and watching…

**Miguels Pov.**

The walls seem to close around him, tightening against his very soul. It was trying to suck him dry, keep him from ever being the same again but could he really go back to the way things were? Doubts flashed through his mind about that aspect for it would never happen. He would always be here, be in Solitary and never get out. To never feel the sun against his skin and warm his flesh. To feel the grass against his fingertips, or the sand between his toes from the beach. The four walls containing him now would forever be the only things he would ever see again. But the one thing he would miss most, out of everything would be the touch of another. One in…particular actually. Brown eyes flashed down to look at the palms of his hands were the other males hands seemed to fit perfectly in. His whole body, melting into the touch of the Latino's. Of course insanity could make you think many things. Depression as well, feelings like there is no help left in this world. The only friend he had was the walls…And Jessica. A small smile slipped it's way onto his lips as his head laid back against the cement wall. The woman he had known since 8th grade, the one that stood by him through every stupid thing he did. Bailing him out, taking the blame for his stupid stunts. The only woman he could admit to loving as family. A soft sigh left his lips as he decided to lie down, wondering if anything would be different tomorrow. For that's all he could really hope about now.

"Alvarez! Dinner time!" Said the guard as he threw his meal onto the floor, spilling some of it into the cement. But the man didn't even look at it, lost in his own world created within his head. Food wasn't appealing to him anymore, never had been after this past week. It had only been that long since he had been here. Father Mukada aka Ray had come ever day to see to him, apologizing every time he saw the bruises or marks on his body. He had promised Miguel that they wouldn't hurt him but he lied. The criminal had waved it off, patting the priest on the back before telling him he deserved it anyway. Deserved the beatings day after day. It's not like anyone cared for him except another prisoner. Father cared for all the inmates here so why was he so special? He should have just cut his throat when he had the chance but no, the SWAT team came in before he could even do that. Pathetic, he really was pathetic and nothing could change that could it? He would always be in Solitary and never come out again. He had had the option of death but no, he had tossed it away for a moment's thought. A moments thought of a man that seemed to fit his palms perfectly came into his head.

Ryan O'Reily.

The man was beautiful on his own. Irish heritage that was made for his charm. The way he could practically talk his way out of any situation or into any deal with one of the gangs was extraordinary. His face was handsome, good looking and could drive anyone up the wall to be just like him. His body wasn't large or muscular like some in OZ but it was lean and not fat. Scars traveled along his body from past fights and the like. In the eyes of Alveraz he was truly a work of perfection for he had been able to see the body fully when wounds needed to be cleaned. He remembered…that he had stared at the other's body for some time, just watching his chest move up and down as he breathed. He remembered a hand was so close to ghosting over his stomach before he saw a doctor walk by and he quickly clothed him again. That's when he thought about everything…his feelings for the Irish man that is. Of course, maybe he was insane when it all started as well, for it had been after his baby had died. No, he was kidding himself after all. However anyone wanted to put it he was in love with the other man. It was a sin yes, a rule against GOD himself but it didn't matter. For if God said all love was equal then what was wrong with two men being in love? Nothing. It was perfectly natural. Maybe it would be wise to talk to Father Ray about this next time he came. Ask him how do you know if it is true love and not some figment of your imagination. Or his friend Jessica, when she came in two days to see him. They always met on Thursdays after all and maybe she could help out to see if the Irish man at least had some feelings for him or even thought about him in that matter.

Doubts flooded his mind once again and he tried to fight them back as he gripped his head tightly and tried squishing his head in it seemed. Another scream erupted from his lips as he fell to the ground and tried to hide under his bed. Nails dug into his arms so hard blood started to come out and drip on the floor around him as he started rocking back and forth. What was the point in loving O'Reily? The other man wasn't gay. All he was doing in loving the other, obsessing over him was hurting himself. It would tear him up inside and nothing would ever be the same. He'd have to be sent to the physic ward. This wasn't what he needed, no. He needed Ryan's love or at least see the Irish man's smug face before things got worse for him. For when things got so worse he didn't even recognize anyone anymore…That would be his last wish, if it were too be granted that is. Blood continued to drip down his arm and started to make a small pool around his hand, the dripping noise echoing through out his room. It wasn't much but left uncared for it could surely lead to worse things. The hatch for is room started to turn as he scurried over to the farthest corner, not wanting another beating again from the guards. A small whimper came from his lips until he saw who it was. "Father…" He said, slowly gaining control of his mind again as he stayed where he was for the moment, not wanting it to be a trick of his oh so fragile mind.

"It's ok Miguel. I'm here." He told the other, a soft smile on his face as the guard opened the door. Slowly he walked in, not wanting to startle the Latino into anything as he sat on the bed, the bible in his hand. "How are you doing today?" He asked, eyes drifting over to the uneaten food on the floor. A soft sigh coming from his lips, knowing that must be the reason the prisoner didn't look so healthy. "You should eat, at least a little bit for me ok?" He said, grabbing the tray of food and handing it to the male a smile still on his face. Alvarez was hesitant at first, staring at it like it was poison before nodding his head and taking the small apple from the dish. Smiling more the priest nodded his head in approval before sitting back on the bed. Something made him slip his foot as he looked down to see what it was, hoping it wasn't at least urine. Eyes went slightly wide as he saw the red substance on the ground and quickly looked at the inmate, seeing large marks in his arms as he quickly knelt down next to him after calling for a guard to take him to the medical ward. "Miguel why did you do this?" He asked him, voice stern but worry clear in it. They had been through more things then most CO's and inmates were together as he looked to see how deep the cuts were. They were going to be infected if not treated properly. "Love…hurts Father." Was all that came from Miguel's lips as he looked at the male with clouded eyes, taking a bite out of the apple he had taken. "Do you miss your girlfriend?" Ray asked him, ripping some of his clothing to help stop the bleeding though a small shake and bitter laugh came from the other male's lips. "No Father…I miss Ryan…" Was all that came out as he seemed to pass out from all the stress and blood loss, the other male quickly holding him as the doctor came and strapped him to a stretcher, taking him to the hospital room. Standing up slowly Ray wondered who Ryan was. There was only one Ryan he knew and he was in…Emerald City. Eyes went slightly wide at the realization of what had just happened. Was Miguel in love with Ryan O'Reily?


End file.
